That way, should the topic come up later, I can actually say, “Oh, I told you, didn’t I? I struggle enough with the fact that my marriage came to an end after just a year and a half, that my husband cheated on me, and left me for a girl 28 years his junior, just two years older than his daughter from a previous marriage.I guess you just didn’t hear me.”Being married, but separated, is no picnic. All of that is embarrassing, no matter how you slice it or how many times friends and family tell me that he’s the one who should be embarrassed.I get so many emails asking me about whether to date someone who is separated, recently divorced, or even fresh out of a breakup that I wanted to tackle this tricky subject.We’re often scared (even if nothing has actually happened yet with a particular person) that we may be letting our last chance or even best chance saloon slip away.But still being married to him is a whole other level of embarrassment. When you tell people—dates or otherwise—you’re separated, they ask the following questions, in this order: “How long have you been separated?
Even if that doesn’t happen, a divorce, no matter how civil, is nobody’s idea of a good time. So, yes, in a perfect world, people would conclude their previous relationships, paperwork and all, before entering into new ones.
You see, I separated from my ex two years ago, and our divorce was final about eight months later.
Simply put, dating has a zero percent chance of making a divorce go smoother, and a bazillion percent chance of making it more contentious. I get that Ben has been separated for a couple of years, and that it was his wife’s decision to move out. Ben will be preoccupied with the twists and turns of his divorce at times – and that’s understandable.
If you’re separated but not divorced, dating is a tricky subject.
On one hand, it’s natural to want to find companionship and move on from your marriage.